― Elizabeth Gilbert
“As smoking is to the lungs, so is resentment to the soul; even one puff is bad for you.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert
It's not about feeling better...it's about being better at feeling.
Savan Vegas Hotel & Casino held it's staff party and I wasn't able to attend (as usual). Inside the van (party over), en route the staff house, I snapped some pictures of our Gaming staff who competed for this year's show. They filled the late evening air with screams of joy and crazy laughter. I didn't ask but readily assumed, they won the contest.
The next day, I learned, they did not win. I will quote a friend of mine, Mr. Cosmas Yee, "It doesn't matter, whether they won or not. They were all great and really funny. They were FUN!"
When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness;
instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven
for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal.
A wild grass patch near Chansamone's—Savannakhet, Laos
“Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be...”
― William Wordsworth
The sun's going down and the mood hit me as I watched the drama of colors on the grass and flowers yielding to my dissolving madness. Nice and fuzzy, like a fleeting memory.
A fancy steel mask ring from my daughter
“There is a life behind the personality that uses personalities as masks.
There are times when life puts off the mask and deep answers unto deep.”
― Dion Fortune, The Goat-Foot God
Little by little, I'm packing my things and getting ready for the staff's relocation to another guest house.
Sorting through my stuff, I saw this fancy ring, that my daughter bought me last year. What a timely coincidence, chancing upon this, while a theme on deception plays in my mind; a tale of a friends' new cyber love. I remember a quote I read a while back. "Masks dropped away and real people began to appear: cranks, imbeciles, the demented, the vengeful, sadists, killers. —Charles Bukowski"
Old friend of mine, I do pray you'll find, an angel who won't astray when that mask drops away. As I murmured this poor rhyme of mine, I wore the ring and realized, how it nicely fits my middle finger.
“I sat in the gradually chilling room, thinking of my whole past the way a drowning man is supposed to,
and it seemed part of the present, part of the gray cold and the beggar woman without a face
and the moulting birds frozen to their own filth in the Orangerie. I know now I was in the throes of
some small glandular crisis, a sublimated bilious attack, a flick from the whip of melancholia,
but then it was terrifying...nameless....”
― M.F.K. Fisher
The wind was chilly this afternoon, a nice time to open my room's window, have coffee and smoke. I didn't know how long I sat there, until I ran out of cigarettes. For the first time in months, I afforded myself to lose track of time. It was a nice quiet moment; melancholic but nonetheless, I enjoyed it. Melancholia, after all,
is not for the soulless.
“I stood still, vision blurring, and in that moment, I heard my heart break.
It was a small, clean sound, like the snapping of a flower's stem.”
― Diana Gabaldon
Don't be so naive, little girl. Angels can break hearts.
“Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation,
no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you
were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.”
― Hunter S. Thompson
That feeling....influx between illusion and substance. It's just a weird evening for me, I guess.
“...against the grape-flushed sky perfect amethyst night.”
― Anne Rivers Siddons
She's faced the hardest times you could imagine
and many times her eyes fought back the tears
and when her youthful world was about to fall in
each time her slender shoulders
bore the weight of all her fears
and a sorrow no one hears still
rings in midnight silence, in her ears
Let her cry, for she's a lady
let her dream, for she's a child
let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower,
and if by chance I should hold her
let me hold her for a time
but if allowed just one possession
I would pick her from the garden,
to be mine
Be careful how you touch her,
for she'll awaken
and sleep's the only freedom that she knows
and when you walk into her eyes,
you won't believe
the way she's always paying
for a debt she never owes
and a silent wind still blows
that only she can hear and so she goes
“Monotony has nothing to do with a place;
monotony, either in its sensation or its infliction, is simply the quality of a person.
There are no dreary sights; there are only dreary sight seers.”
― G. K. Chesterton
I took this picture while waiting at the BTS Skytrain, National Stadium station. A common sight, and perhaps a boring subject, but the repetitive shapes created some kind of visual rhythm and swayed me to snap this photo. No drama here; just a dreamy sight seer.
Ants in Chansamone's garden
“Wake up, Shake up, Make up and Break up;
life is all about moving like ant in search of sugar not sand.”
― Santosh Kalwar
A conversation with David Singer started as a lazy chit-chat until I showed him a photo of ants that seemed to me, were basking in warm sunlight. I remember feeling jaded the day I took that picture so, I asked him if Kalwar's quote would make a good caption for the image. David replied, "Well, I think life is about more than moving like an ant looking for sugar. Humans are not ants, although there are societies that attempt to make their citizens ant-like, like robots, like slaves. But it will never last, because humans have individual souls. We are always seeking, exploring, inventing, looking for answers to vexing questions, and it is our fate to always be seeking." Quite deep for an early morning sentiment but nonetheless, I pondered upon it.
" It is our fate to always be seeking," went over and over inside my sleepy head.
Seeking....oh yes, more sugar please!
Walk away if you want to
it’s ok, if you need to
you can run, but you can never hide
From the shadow that’s creeping up beside you
There’s a magic running through your soul
But you can’t have it all
(Whatever you do)
I’ll be two steps behind you
(Wherever you go)
and I’ll be there to remind you
that it only takes a minute of your precious time
to turn around and I’ll be two steps behind.
-Def Leppard Two Steps Behind